The Decision Regarding How to Bring Baby Gale #3 Into the World

Have you ever made a decision, thinking you knew what you wanted, only to question your original decision? Well, I got myself into a situation like that.

First, a quick bit of history for those who don't know or don't remember my two previous birth stories. Allie was breech, didn't want to turn despite a painful attempted version, and was a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. We moved to Stillwater, Oklahoma, where they did not allow women to try for a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC). I wanted the opportunity to try for a VBAC, so we went to a doctor in Oklahoma City, which was approximately one hour and 15 minutes away (+/usually - , depending on traffic and who was driving). I had been progressing a little each week, starting around 36 weeks. I went into labor on my own four days after Rachel's due date, and we started heading for Oklahoma City. We were only five miles or so out of Stillwater when a deer jumped out in front of us. Our car was totaled, and I had to be taken to the nearest hospital by ambulance. Everyone was okay; I just happened to be in transition, though I didn't really realize it at the time. The ambulance had to take me to the nearest hospital, which was Stillwater Medical Center. Upon arrival, the nurse checked me and she was surprised to find that I was dilated to a 9 and was fully effaced. But they did not allow VBACs, so I had to have another c-section.

Despite the crazy circumstances surrounding Rachel's birth, I felt that it happened that way for a reason. I was at peace with having another c-section. I was just happy to have my healthy baby girl in my arms in the end.

Soon after Rachel's birth, some people asked me if I thought I'd try for a VBAC the next time. I honestly hadn't researched it much and didn't know. I figured I probably would if it was an option, but I didn't really know if doctors would allow it. Then when we moved to Arkansas, I either read or heard somewhere that no hospitals near us would allow VBACs. I wasn't heartbroken; I just figured that was how it was supposed to happen for me. Then when I took Rachel into a well-check, the pediatrician told me that there were a few hospitals that just recently started allowing VBACs again. I was glad to know that, yet still didn't know if my medical history would even make me a good candidate. I wasn't pregnant, yet, so I didn't dwell on it too much.

When I wanted to get my IUD out, I asked women at church for recommendations for OB-Gyns. A few gave the same name, so I decided I would go to her. However, she was affiliated with a hospital that did not allow VBACs. Since I hadn't even realized that having a VBAC could even be an option here in Northwest Arkansas, I sort of just thought, "Well, I didn't think I would get to have one anyway."

Time passed, and a friend of mine got pregnant. She was in a tight financial situation, so she was wanting recommendations for multiple clinics. I again asked ladies at church for recommendations. And from that, I heard some people share negative experiences that they'd had with the doctor that took out my IUD. It wasn't just the fact that the doctor had some critics, because most do (and others had raved about her), but one of them was specifically related to the doctor's attitude toward how many babies a woman should have via c-section. The doctor told a friend that she would have only let her have three, though she already had her fourth (and ended up having a fifth, all by c-section). Jared and I have never had a specific number of kids in mind. We take it one at a time, but I didn't really like the idea of going to a doctor who would probably pressure me into not trying again. Another lady at church spoke highly of her doctor, whom she had had a VBAC with, and then another friend spoke highly of the same clinic. So I decided to switch to a different doctor when I got pregnant.

I chose to go to Dr. Schmitz, largely because of the one lady's recommendation, and I decided that I would like the option of having a VBAC. I didn't necessarily feel that I was deciding that a VBAC was right, but I liked having the option, whereas I had no option with the other doctor and at the other hospital.

When I went to my first appointment with the new clinic, I saw the nurse practitioner. She was pretty certain that the doctor would allow me to attempt a VBAC if I wanted to. Then when I saw the doctor and he heard my history, he agreed that I would be a good candidate for a VBAC since I had progressed on my own with the last one. He stated that the risk of uterine rupture was 3% and that such a rupture could result in death for me and/or baby. I already knew these things. They were essentially the same risks as when I planned on attempting a VBAC with Rachel. At this point I figured I would try for a VBAC. Three percent is not a very high risk, and they should be prepared for the worst case scenario.

However, the following thought lingered in my mind, "I truly believe that the last one happened the way it did for a reason. But I don't know the reason. Maybe I'm not supposed to try for a VBAC."

Early in the pregnancy, these thoughts existed; however, around 23 or 24 weeks, I couldn't stop thinking about and questioning what was the right decision. I knew it wasn't a decision that needed to be made right then, but it would not leave me alone.

General Conference, the conference in which the Prophet and Apostles speak to us, happened when I was 25 weeks pregnant. I decided that I would pray to receive my answer during the conference. I've had several experiences in the past in which I've prayed for specific answers and then received them during General Conference. I know that the Lord hears our prayers and can answer them for us through others. This time, however, I just felt that my answer was that I needed to study it out more and pray about it more. I would receive my answer, but I needed to work for it a little more. And honestly, my prayers up until then had mostly been, "Help me to know which decision is correct." For whatever reason, I sort of feared asking point-blank whether one way was the correct decision or not.

So, I did more research. Most of what I found was exactly what the doctor had already told me. The risk of uterine rupture, having had two c-sections, was between two and three percent, and the results of said rupture could be catastrophic for mother and/or child. Yet, I did learn something that I wasn't aware of. I had always assumed that the higher risk would be for the mother. However, I learned that in most cases they could sustain the mother through blood transfusions and other measures. On the other hand, the baby would need to be delivered via emergency c-section within 10-26 minutes (Give or take a few minutes. I can't remember exactly right now.) in order to prevent death or other serious conditions. So I really started questioning whether I would want to be in that situation. Yes, the risk of rupture is only 3%, but would I really want to put the baby at such risk? I didn't think so. So I started thinking that a c-section might be the best option for me.

I had done more research and had a decision in mind (c-section), yet was still afraid to pray and ask, "Is having a c-section the right decision?" I talked to different friends about it. Some favored c-section, while others sided with attempting a VBAC. I knew that other's opinions really didn't matter, though, and I truly started analyzing why I was struggling with this decision so much.

I spoke with the doctor at one of my appointments, telling him I was praying about the decision and mentioning the different thoughts I'd had on the matter. He was really supportive and open about it. We discussed the options a little. A few of the things that I remember him stating are: 1) My history would suggest that I'd fall into the successful VBAC category, though it isn't a guarantee; 2) Some women just really feel the need to have the experience of having a vaginal delivery, and for them, he will support them as long as he feels it is safe; and 3) Ultimately, I need to follow my heart.

The first item wasn't new. The third item was what I sort of knew already, though I still liked hearing him say it that way. The second item made me question myself, "Why would I want a VBAC?" After having Rachel, despite not having been allowed to push her out, I felt like Heavenly Father had let me "have the experience." I had wondered whether I could do it naturally, and having got to a 9 without drugs, and handling it relatively well (the nurse actually asked me if I thought I was a 9 because I seemed to be handling it really well), I figured I could have done it. I felt contractions, got really close to pushing and delivery, but Heavenly Father had another plan for me. So this time around, I really do not feel like I "need" the experience. Really, the one reason I would prefer a VBAC is for the possibility of having a quicker recovery. And more than likely it would be a quicker recovery, but that isn't a guarantee either. One of my friends shared how she had a really traumatic vaginal delivery that took months to recover from. I know, there is surely a greater chance of having a faster recovery with a VBAC, so again, that would be my reason for choosing to try for one.

Jared and I discussed the option several times, and he would support either decision. During one of our discussions, I asked him in which situation he would be more comfortable. He now knows what to expect with a c-section, so would he be more comfortable with that? He said that he really wasn't sure and threw the question right back at me. Would I be comfortable during an attempted VBAC? Not "comfortable" in the physical sense, because contractions are definitely far from comfortable, but comfortable in the emotional and mental sense. And I realized that I didn't think I would. With as much as I've wrestled with this decision, I don't think I could be at ease during labor. While in labor with Rachel, the thought, "I could rupture... Am I going to rupture?" never entered my mind. But I don't think I could go through labor without having those thoughts this time. I think that I would question my decision for an attempted VBAC the whole time. Some women choose epidurals because it allows them to "enjoy" the experience and be more comfortable. I've never judged them, and I hope no woman would judge me for choosing a repeat c-section partly because I believed that I would be more at ease during the process.

And those thoughts made me reflect on the societal pressures. So many people spout out opinions regarding what they believe is best for all - home vs hospital births, epidurals vs natural, etc. And because of the information that is available, we, as women, often put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I think about the stress relating to breastfeeding with Allie. We had several problems. We worked through them, but it was STRESSFUL, and mostly because of the pressure I put on myself. I ended up using a nipple shield for the entire 11 months that I breastfed her. Literature stated that that wasn't best. I'd heard others talk about the evils of nipple shields, so I would try to hide it when I'd feed Allie in the mother's lounge. Now, I think, "How crazy!" I did not need to worry about what others thought, and I did not need to put so much pressure on myself. I just needed to do what I felt was right for me and my baby.

So now, I tell myself the same thing but in a different situation. I feel that most of the world would say, "Why wouldn't you try for a VBAC?" Or, "Elective c-sections are evil." Or... whatever. But, I need to do what I FEEL is best for me and my baby.

And I had already felt that a decision was correct. I just needed to pray about it. I spoke with Jared again. I spoke with my mom. And I prayed about it. I asked to receive the confirmation that I needed, to know that having a c-section was the right decision, no matter the reason. And I can tell you that I have received the confirmation I need. Since making the decision and praying about it, I have had peace of mind. The debate doesn't continually occupy my mind. I feel that it is right.

It is still somewhat uncomfortable telling those who thought trying for a VBAC was the obvious choice that I'm going to have a c-section, but I know it is right and that I don't need to worry about what others may think.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm hoping that I'll get to schedule the c-section. One true convenience of c-sections is the ability to plan. Of course, baby could still come early, and if she does, we'll proceed as we feel is right, but for now the plan is to schedule a planned c-section.

Halloween Celebrations

Halloween was a lot of fun this year. Allie knew exactly what it is and what to expect, so she was really looking forward to it. She was telling us what she wanted to be for a month or more. First, she said she wanted to be a horse. But then she switched to a fox. I'm not sure what prompted the change. No one in the family had seen the "What does the fox say?" song and video, yet, so it wasn't that. However, since I had seen people posting, "What does the fox say?" on Facebook, I looked up what everyone was referring to. Seeing that it wasn't inappropriate (weird, yes, but not inappropriate), we let the girls watch it. Allie especially got a kick out of it, and it sealed the deal for being a fox for Halloween. At that point, Rachel wanted to be a doggy. In my mind, I was thinking, "Maybe a Fox and Hound theme?"

I got an orange shirt from the dollar store and planned on using it and fabric scraps to make a costume for Allie. When a friend from church heard Allie wanted to be a fox, she told me that she had a 5T fox costume. Perfect! I was more than happy to borrow it. We got it a little over a week before Halloween, and Allie was really excited to try it on. She put it on and wore it the rest of that day. She was even jumping around like a fox, though not smashing her face into the ground.

Upon seeing and watching Allie in her costume, Rachel decided she wanted to be a fox, too. So, I picked up where I left off with the fox costume. I cut off some of the fabric from the bottom of the shirt because it was really long; it had even been long on Allie. Rachel was most excited about the tail, though. She was happy trying on the shirt, but she kept asking about the tail. So the tail was the next item I sewed, using the fabric that I cut off the bottom of the shirt and fabric scraps that I already had.

Happy Rachel with her Fox Tail

Just missing the ears

Knowing what the girls wanted to be, we were ready to celebrate. A family from church invited us to their Halloween party. We didn't know whether we'd be going until the afternoon of. Allie was beyond excited when I told her we were going to go to a Halloween party. I still needed to finish Rachel's ears, though. I worked on them from the moment we got up from nap until the moment we walked out the door on our way to the party. Rachel had been a little resistant about putting something on her head, but I was able to get her ears on in the van. She was distracted enough to leave them alone for awhile.

Such a cute little fox.

We arrived at the party and took a quick picture of our two foxes.

I didn't get face make-up on them this time.

The girls enjoyed playing with the other kids at the party, as well as bobbing for apples. Allie was determined to get one. Ultimately, she used her hand to help, but she did not receive any help from us.

So Happy!

Rachel tried a time or two with her mouth and then decided that it was easier to just pull the apples out with her hand. She pulled three or four out. We made her return all but one. She was also very proud of herself.

Rachel's attempt with her mouth

The next night was our ward Trunk-or-Treat. It is held at a member's house, or in their "dance hall," rather. Their son is a good high-jumper, so they have a pit outside. The kids had a lot of fun jumping around on it. With all the jumping, it was hard to get a clear picture.

After playing outside for awhile, we went in for dinner and dessert. There was a chili cook-off, though we didn't participate in it this year. After eating, we headed out for the kids to do their trunk-or-treating. We had all of our cars in a circle around a large bonfire. The girls enjoyed getting candy.

We had planned on carving pumpkins a few different times that just didn't work out. We ended up doing it just two days before Halloween. Better late than never, right? The girls didn't know the difference. They were simply happy to be doing something with their pumpkins.

Rachel being sweet to her pumpkin

Allie actually took quite a bit out of hers using a measuring cup.

Daddy did the carving. A friend told us about the trick of taking out the bottom of the pumpkin. It seemed to work fairly well. It might be how we do it in the future.

Rachel wanted to help, but she had a hard time getting past the pumpkin guts. She used a measuring cup and got a few seeds out.

The girls with their carved pumpkins.

Rachel wanted "cheeks" on hers, so Allie wanted to add cheeks, too.

Halloween morphed into a week-long event this year. The girls loved it, though. On Halloween day, we had a few friends over, though one of them napped the whole time. Londyn and her little brother came over while their mom helped out at school. The three girls really enjoyed playing together.

Allie, Londyn, and Rachel

We went to Londyn's house for dinner and went trick-or-treating in her neighborhood. Her family is a family from church. They are a lot of fun and just good people. We're glad they're our friends. A few other families came for dinner and trick-or-treating, too.

Allie acting as a fox before dinner.

Allie, Rachel, and Cookie Monster trick-or-treating together.

Since they had had a friend over, the girls did not nap on Halloween. After a long, fun day that ended with walking around a large neighborhood, Rachel was especially wiped out. She fell asleep on the way home. I carried her in and put her on our bed so that I could put a diaper on her for the night and wash her face. She slept through it all.

Londyn's mom is a great photographer. We got to their house before some of the other families and were blessed to have her offer to take some pictures. Here are some of the pictures she took of our little foxes and our family.

Farmland Adventures 2013

Having gone to Farmland Adventures last year, we really wanted to go again this year. We got a good deal off of Living Social and decided to buy pumpkins somewhere else in order to save money. We went on a Thursday night, so it wasn't too crowded. The girls loved it!

Allie remembered from last year that there were pony rides. It was to be our first order of business, and she was off as soon as we walked through the entry.

Off to the Pony Rides, Looking so Big!

Pure Bliss

Harder to see, but also very happy.

After riding the ponies, we went to check out the animals. The girls had a great time with the goats. We didn't buy a cup of oats, but there was plenty on the grass that we could pick up and give to them. The girls giggled so much. Both truly enjoyed themselves.

Love their laughter in this video

As we were feeding and petting the goats, we could hear a little pig squeal, so went to check it out. They were holding a baby pig so that kids could pet it. It squealed the whole time it was held. Some kids were too nervous to pet it, but ours weren't deterred.

They have other animals to look at, including cows, ponies, a zonkey (zebra and donkey mix), and camel. As we were looking at some of the other animals, we discovered that a little baby goat had escaped its area and was in with a big steer with horns. The steer tried to poke the little guy, so Jared helped it move. It then went in with the camel. The girls were happy to pet another little goat. The goat ended up getting out altogether and gave one of the workers quite a chase.

While waiting to go on the tractor-pulled wagon ride, the girls played in the corn box. They enjoyed dropping it through their fingers and then got more adventurous, jumping around in it.

Rachel was a little mischievous. If it hadn't been for me calling her out, this bit would have ended up on Allie's head.

The girls enjoying jumping in the corn

Allie making a corn angel

Then we went on the wagon ride. Everyone got some tortillas to feed to the cows. The girls were really excited about getting on the big wagon.

Feeding the Cows

Hard to see, but check out that tongue!

Rachel had some nervous laughter at times, but truly enjoyed feeding the cows. (And yes, our camera lens needed to be cleaned.)

I originally started helping Rachel with the cows, but as the cows exhaled toward us, I could not handle the smell. I gagged several times and was afraid I was going to lose it any minute. Even standing back, it was still a struggle. Jared got a good laugh, but was great at helping both girls. The cows were not impressed with me not having any food for them.

Where's my food?

We then checked out a little maze that the girls could run through. It wasn't difficult, but they liked running through it. I went to one side and they came to me.

We then went back to the ponies. A little girl cannot ride ponies too many times.

The girls then played on a large pile of hay. Allie was very proud of herself for climbing to the top by herself.

There was a tunnel going through the bottom of the pile. Both girls went through it.

Rachel in the Tunnel

With a little help, Rachel got on top, too.

They have two corn mazes. One is very large, and the other is a smaller, kids' maze. We opted for the smaller maze given the time and the decreasing temperature and chilly wind. Luckily the corn protected us from the wind. The girls each took turns leading the way.

Rachel stumbled at one point, but was still determined to lead the way.

Pig races weren't on the schedule for Thursday night, so we planned on one more pony ride before heading home. As we were getting ready to get on the ponies, the attendants told us that they were going to stop for the pig races. We told them that we planned on riding the ponies and then leaving, so they let us ride first. Then Allie started asking if we could watch the pig races. I didn't want to be dishonest, though. When the pony ride stopped, we could see that they were going to give another ride to others. I asked the attendant if she would be upset or think less of us if we did end up staying for the pig races. She just smiled and said no, so we went ahead and watched the pig races, too.

Allie's Last (3rd) Pony Ride

It had really gotten chilly, so Daddy helped Rachel stay warm during the pig races. He did the same thing last year, too. It is kind of fun comparing the two pictures.

2013

2012

After leaving, we stopped by Jared's work for hot chocolate and then headed to Walmart to pick out some pumpkins. We got two pumpkins for just under $10. The same ones would have been $16 at Farmland Adventures. We were feeling pretty good about the money we saved, and we all had a great time together at Farmland Adventures. I'm sure we'll go again next year.